Don't go bonkers

Lately I have been feeling lethargic, listless, moody and apathetic. Not so funny tantrums and a handful of  complaints. (Now I feel awful about myself)  I know I shouldn't feel this way because "the-so-called blah" has opened up many doors for me and I should be incredibly thankful. (But hey I'm no superwoman)  Mentally, it has really taken a toll on me and I couldn't even think properly. And I know being grumpy just creates havoc on my body and even turn itself outward, at the expense of others (highly unlike me and I just hate myself for doing such things). I just feel  like everything is jumbled and weighty. Bottom line, all I need is inner peace and self-assurance; that "maybe, just maybe" would eventually make me feel better. Well it's timely that Holy week has arrived and I'm hoping to get this "inner peace/self-assurance thing" this week. 

I hope to see myself as a one-cow person as Bo Sanchez would put it. Not a one-worm person or a one-bacteria person. (ayokong maging germs)

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…  

(Romans 8:1)

feeiling guilty_ Trust issues (marred with dishonesty)

I've always had a hard time trusting anyone and I guess I live by this notion "you can't trust anyone, only yourself." It's a way of protecting myself, from being hurt and avoid being taken advantage of. Much worse if a person has wronged me no matter how big or small his/her fault is, I'll never trust him/her again that's for sure. Oh brother! there's no point of redeeming himself/herself to me (kalimutan mong kilala kita :p). Since based on personal experiences, people that I trusted quickly turned out not to be trustworthy at all. (B**&9  S**6)They don't give you that kind of assurance that they can be trusted.

Maybe I'll never outgrow this kind of perception not unless I find someone worth TRUSTING. But I'm not closing my doors with the possibility of changing my ways and who knows I'll probably end up eating my words. (but that's a long way to go).

That's all for today..

_"Scorpio's often fail in selecting the right partner, then suffer agonies, jealousy, frustration and unhappiness" (i hope not)

Paper Year

Yes we had our Paper year a few weeks back and it was definitely worth remembering! Had our simple dinner (we always stuff our bellies with good food thus we end up with "bondat" bellies hahaha :p Always on the lookout for a good comfort grub) along with the usual talks and jokes that tickled our sense of humor.

On a more serious note, I'd never thought both of us would come this far that's why I thank my lucky stars everyday! We may have cultivated few misunderstandings but we managed to clear it up at once. (Actually it sucks having those petty squabbles and it's quite distressing too. Well who wants to have that sulky feeling anyway kung  patatagalin pa... bawal ma-stress sa panahong ito, pointless thing to do) I'm such a lucky kid given that in everything I do, he always have a part and each little wish of mine he tried to make it come true. Thank you and I couldn't ask for more!!!

  

Each day with him has been a blessing and I kind of want to keep this good thing going. I yearn for another colorful year with you! :)

-Someone’s gotten under your skin and the sooner you admit it, the sooner you’ll know whether to stay or go-

---> Just the thought gives me the creeps and it makes it even more difficult to understand since it isn't exactly the way you pictured it. 

Was it an abrupt decision? (Maybe not) I had to make the "decision" on the spur of the moment that I didn't even bother to think thoroughly. Investment down to unknown percentage, I guess.

As a result I have to put up with this, well I don't know for how long. I just hope to see some progress/ investment loss recovery in the next few weeks.





And the more I expand on this issue the more I get uncomfortable and disheartened. 

......As they say it takes about 17 muscles to smile and 43 to frown. 43 is my number for now.

ikalawang yugto?

Hindi ko mawari kung ano nga ba talaga ang aking saloobin sa mga nangyayari ngayon. Napaka-simple lang naman talaga ang ninanais ko_ ang sumaya. Sabihin niyo mang "baduy" o gasgas na aking mga pinagsasabi, yun naman talaga ninanais ko. (taon na ang aking binilang) Ngunit sadyang napakahirap kamitin.

Pilit kong ikinukubli ang kalungkutan sa likod ng aking masiyahing mukha (lagi nalang bang ganito?) Paminsan minsan napapansin ko sa bawat pagdaan ng araw, unti-unti akong nilalamon ng aking kalungkutan na para bang wala ng pag-asang maka-kawala. At tila ba tinatahak ko ang daan patungo sa mundong walang saysay. Kinikimkim ang lahat ng sama ng loob na marahil sa isang pitik lamang ay sasabog na ako tulad ng isang bulkan. At hangga't maaari iniiwasan ko ang mag-komento dahil alam kong  matatalim na salita ang marinig mula sa aking bibig.



....... Alam kong ito ay isa lamang sa mga mapapait na pagsubok mula sa "itaas". Hindi man agaran ang pagpawi sa aking kalungkutan nakakasiguro akong malalampasan ko rin ito. 

"Walang madali sa mundo"

L.O.P (Long Overdue Post)

Honestly words cannot describe how happy i feel right now! :D 

Yes these were the exact words I uttered (well even posted on my facebook account) when I found out I passed the Interior design board exam. As my sister commented "Para naman nanalo sa beauty contest. che!" Truth be told I actually did (somehow), except it's not a beauty contest per se. 

After all the hardships of taking the most difficult and nerve-racking exam it has finally paid off. Three months of hibernating, social networking sites had to be in pending mode, had to miss get-togethers and worse no television in my dorm. (during weekdays but on weekends I find the time to catch up some tv watching maybe for about an "hour or less")_Not so me but I had to make few sacrifices in order to attain what I got right now.  Imagine how frustrating it was and my only form of entertainment was listening to FM radio,(Thanks to Magic 89.9 Boys Night Out and RX 93.1 Morning rush) Plus, phone calls at the end of the day from the Architect hahaha! which I always look forward to since it has kept me sane thus far at least.

I'm really grateful for the blessing I have received; really BLESSED beyond I deserve!!! Thank you God for your unconditional love, patience, mercy and forgiveness! And thank you for the people who supported me all the way. (Family and friends!!) Thank you to St. Jude and St. Joseph of Cupertino!! Prayer to St. Joseph of Cupertino for Success in Examinations 

Below are few images to sum up the hibernation period and its blissful aftermath:

Review Materials

(with all those manila papers, multi-color pens, etc.)

1.) the Design GO portable kettle for my everyday cup of tea, 2.)Weekly rasyon ng pagkain hahaha 3).my mom would always label the tupper ware with my name on it hahaha! 4.) silvanas, mars,cookies and susan baker tea were given by the Architect and my bestfriend 

 

Oath-taking  (with solemn affirmation)

  Psalm 30:12 – “That my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks for ever.”

apathy when will I meet you?

i've always kept it inside and never let it out. It was out of fear that I have decided to shut my mouth (truth be told reasons are just plain weird but it was something deep). And yes there were nights I would cry myself to sleep, sorting through the rubble of the i-don't-know-scenario (i will never disclose any information about it, let's just leave it at that) Though I still bring a big smile on my face and I'm trying to hide the sadness I feel inside. (nothing has changed).

If only "apathetic capsules"  are available at hand I'd buy more than 100 tablets. sigh...