2015 is a complete whirlwind and problems seem to come in bunches and I am completely overwhelmed at this point. Truth be told, I am still licking my own wounds from the previous nightmare. And now here comes a BIGGER one and my thought process right now is completely blurred. I couldn't even find a better way to handle this. Now I am asking myself again, "Why Me?" "Why should I have to experience all of these?", "Why put the burden on us?", "Ain't we had enough, years ago?" To quote my favorite author, “I've been clinging to this world like a discarded shell of an insect stuck to a branch, about to be blown off forever by a gust of wind.” and I would often times think "If there had been a door within reach that led straight to death, he wouldn't have hesitated to push it open, without a second thought." This is basically how I really feel at the moment (hangnail nalang ang kapit and I'm really close to losing my sanity) I just want to give up and stop all these pretending that I am okay but deep within me I am not. I keep on asking myself, What is still my life's purpose? Because clearly it seems like an elusive undertaking right now. I've shared these thoughts to my sister and lectured me "Dumadating talaga yan, you need to face your problems head on and over come them. Para kang Phoenix di mo ba alam yon? Ang Phoenix burns into ashes and then is reborn complete and whole. Ganoon ka and bata ka pa marami ka pang gagawin, sadyang dumadaan sa ganyan walang immunity dyan. At least, you're equipped for the worst things to come." And we just ended up laughing at ourselves. But really, we've gone through hell for the longest time and I believe we will be able to get through this test of life once again. Gahhdd I don't know what to do without her because she had been my constant pillar of strength in my life for many years. So I live it up to you Lord and may we overcome all the hurdles we are facing right now. May we find strength in you in difficult times. I humbly ask for miracles peace and comfort. For physical and emotional healing. Reach down and restore our thirsty soul. Through your mercy and your love.
