Looking at my life, I have been constantly marking it with frustration and pain. Attempting to secure myself to the world, based on my own terms. Unknowingly, creating a permanent connection to the ever-changing world I live in. I came to realize that I cannot change the things that happened to me. Only acceptance is the sole answer to the numerous melancholy days. I used to think getting what I want will give me the guarantee that I will be able to attain absolute happiness. But it will never happen, not even in this lifetime or in the next. Even my so-called suffering brought by my constant useless craving and unbelievable expectations I would like others to conform to became too tiresome. Slowly and still an ongoing process, I continuously train myself to accept the fact that everything is "impermanent" (may it be our jobs, relationships, or material possessions) and living each day at a time (without thinking about my past and my imagined future) can bring such a huge relief. More so, that being egoless is something not to be taken lightly rather it's something to be practiced with full honesty. Allowing myself to move past the condition of preconceived notions that obscure my real self. Liberating my whole existence from earthly possessions and painful past that made me bitter for the longest time.
As I tread the path of the unknown, I was lucky enough to align myself with things and people that adds real value in my life. And of course, I'd still be encountering few miserable wastelands in life and it would appear hopeless at first. Not even a soul can guarantee that things will be okay in one fell swoop. But I know the possibility exists that there are certain things and people around me that will make me laugh and make me feel better. So now I am making a courageous choice; the choice of mindfully letting go of everything that's not meant to stay with me.
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As I tread the path of the unknown, I was lucky enough to align myself with things and people that adds real value in my life. And of course, I'd still be encountering few miserable wastelands in life and it would appear hopeless at first. Not even a soul can guarantee that things will be okay in one fell swoop. But I know the possibility exists that there are certain things and people around me that will make me laugh and make me feel better. So now I am making a courageous choice; the choice of mindfully letting go of everything that's not meant to stay with me.
"Anything I left behind, will be left behind forever"
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Months of learning, months of weighing options, months of thinking and months of endless battle of opinions.
I'm trying to be positive in every situation I am involved. But no matter what I do, I always end up in limbo. Well, it has always been a cycle of life to begin with; one moment it's all about the happy, sunshiny things around you and then a dark void comes up next without you knowing it. (So when will I ever understand that concept of life into my thick skull?) I must admit that crashing into that meaningless fog/ void would do me no good. Trust me, I try to connect with things and people who kicks my stubborn head that "this is reality". That I have to accept it as it is. It's for me to find out how to go through with it; without going crazy as shit. Thankfully I happen to stumble upon these words by Marielle Hare:
"Every day, I am creating my own language—I am tapping into my most essential self—and it turns out that there are people who understand it. I am letting people in. And in so doing, I am finding my people; we are finding each other. I know this is how the world works, but every time I experience it, it feels like pure magic. I have finally found the door that I have been feeling around for in the dark for a very long time. The door is open and the light is streaming in."
...my feelings of doubt and uncertainty dissipated eventually. It didn't happen overnight but I did tread the path carefully just to gain that sense of hope and positivity again. Soon afterward, I was able to align myself with things and people that adds value in my life. My brain had finally gave up of the meaningless fog I constantly inflict upon myself. I realized I'd still be encountering few miserable wastelands in life and it would appear hopeless at first. Not even a soul can guarantee that things will be okay in one sweep of a hand. But know the possibility exists that there are certain things and people around you that will make you laugh and make you feel better.
I'm trying to be positive in every situation I am involved. But no matter what I do, I always end up in limbo. Well, it has always been a cycle of life to begin with; one moment it's all about the happy, sunshiny things around you and then a dark void comes up next without you knowing it. (So when will I ever understand that concept of life into my thick skull?) I must admit that crashing into that meaningless fog/ void would do me no good. Trust me, I try to connect with things and people who kicks my stubborn head that "this is reality". That I have to accept it as it is. It's for me to find out how to go through with it; without going crazy as shit. Thankfully I happen to stumble upon these words by Marielle Hare:
"Every day, I am creating my own language—I am tapping into my most essential self—and it turns out that there are people who understand it. I am letting people in. And in so doing, I am finding my people; we are finding each other. I know this is how the world works, but every time I experience it, it feels like pure magic. I have finally found the door that I have been feeling around for in the dark for a very long time. The door is open and the light is streaming in."
...my feelings of doubt and uncertainty dissipated eventually. It didn't happen overnight but I did tread the path carefully just to gain that sense of hope and positivity again. Soon afterward, I was able to align myself with things and people that adds value in my life. My brain had finally gave up of the meaningless fog I constantly inflict upon myself. I realized I'd still be encountering few miserable wastelands in life and it would appear hopeless at first. Not even a soul can guarantee that things will be okay in one sweep of a hand. But know the possibility exists that there are certain things and people around you that will make you laugh and make you feel better.
This song has always touched the very core of my being. When things doesn't seem right and when things becomes a vicious cycle of poor choices I inflict upon myself. I simply recollect and listen to to it. My senses come to life again and brings me to the idea that no matter what I do, things will never be as simple as black and white situation. That there are almost always gray areas in my life that I should walk upon the earth alone. But I know the man above is walking me through my fears and will never leave me whatever the situation may be.
I long for the day
For pure hearts to rule the world
And sadness to cease
-P.Abraham-
2016
-P.Abraham-
2016
While soaking up the view from our office window, I silently watch people in their most unguarded moments. They welcome the bright sun in their own private balconies as they smoke their cigarettes and sip their coffee. Gradually stretching out their limbs until they can go no farther. Few mouths open large, wide enough to fit a fist. Some take pictures of themselves from all angles, a hundred times over until they get the perfect one. But I wonder, what's the first thing they think about when they wake up? Do they make an effort to think about deep thoughts? Review their dreams? Start the day with a prayer of gratitude? Do they think about what to do with their lives? Or do they simply defecate and contemplate what has been their impact to the world? But then maybe, each and everyone of them are thinking about endless possibilities that life may bring to them. Possibilities that will bring forth the hidden gems of reality; possibilities waiting to be released and channeled towards goodness. Possibilities that will eventually make them realize that life has its light and dark nature they need to go through.
That somewhere in our minuscule minds we find meaning and purpose in our lives despite the circumstances. Mostly, we are allowed to trip over our own mistakes until we learn how to get up on our own; without losing our minds. We will find the most simplest and creative ways on how to handle the misplayed notes of our lives. I know sometimes it may seem these mistakes becomes repetitive but I think its universe's way of telling us that we do some pruning or polishing in our ways. Somehow letting ourselves feel the edges and contours of our mistakes and then we let go of these discomforts. It doesn't mean when shit happens we just resort to giving up; that's not how life goes. I think it's best that we maintain our composure and be mentally strong in every situation. Have courage to take an unconventional leap of faith. It may not be comfortable at first but it would be incredibly liberating.
